we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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