why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh god it's open bar.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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