My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
