i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
