Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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