So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
