You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk is a universal language darling
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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