who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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