i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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