I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
