that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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