So drunk its hurt
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
