I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
