I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
