I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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