bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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