Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize