i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
