We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
