btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
