I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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