i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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