Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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