just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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