That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
