y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
