i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
