We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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