I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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