just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The Olympian is in my bed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
