I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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