I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize