there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
