i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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