Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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