My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
