i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
