First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
