Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
