those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
