Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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