Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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