Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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