even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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