when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
