just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
