i already hear my dad disowning me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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