i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
