I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
