Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
