Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
