Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize