I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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