So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
