We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
