i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
