i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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