I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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