I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
