I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
