Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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