my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
