It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
