ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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