I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
