gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
