Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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