Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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