Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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