i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So many bounce houses so little time
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
