Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
