I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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