someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
