Can Purell be used as lube?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just invented taco cereal.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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