I wish I could teleport
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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