i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
