so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
