ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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