His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
