It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
