And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
