got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
