...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
