The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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