I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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