Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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