i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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