..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
