I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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