The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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